Today I celebrate what would have been my mom's 54th birthday. She was born March 12, 1955 and sadly passed away a few months after her 47th birthday, on June 14, 2002. I'll never forget the day she departed, it always stays so fresh in my mind...that by far was the most horrific moment of my life, I had so many emotions running through my body...I had never before felt so lost & alone and heart broken than I did on June 14, 2002. I remember it was a Friday night, and I had gotten a phone call from my dad telling me to hurry over that he & my sister had just gotten home from work and found my mom dead... I remember thinking it was some twisted joke, I got in my car and rushed over, my heart was racing, I couldn't breath, I couldn't get to their house fast enough...and they only lived 3 minutes away... I pulled into the complex and I heard police sirens, I ran into the apartment only to find my mom laying on the floor, with her hand holding her heart...she had clearly been dead for a while, her face had already turned blue and her body was cold, I let out a loud cry, and asked Ryan to check her pulse, although I knew she was dead, I just had to be sure my eyes weren't deceiving me, Ryan had confirmed there was no pulse, as did my dad...seconds later the police and ambulance had arrived and took over the scene, we waited outside for them to do their jobs, about 20 minutes into it, a fireman came out of the apartment apologized for our loss and pronounced my mom Dead... those words traveled through my body much like a lighting bolt. The Coroner came and carried her body out of the apartment, and the fire trucks, ambulance and police all disappeared...my brothers,my sisters, my dad myself and my aunt we all stood outside of the apartment crying and trying to console one another all the while trying to make sense of what we had just witnessed...how could this be? why her? why was she taken from us? .....she was so young... and so vibrant. We spent the whole next week planning her funeral in Nebraska and she was buried on June 21, 2002 at Cedar Hill Cemetery, next to my grandpa (her dad) and my brother (who passed away at birth).
The coroners report came back, it had turned out that my mother had, had a blood clot in her leg that had caused her to have a heart attack.
You know people have said to me, that the pain of losing your parent never goes away, but that with each passing year it gets easier and easier to accept... I had somewhat found that to be true, except for right now...for some reason, I am finding it exceptionally hard not having my mom here in person with me, with my family, with my children, the grandchildren she never got to meet or hold in her arms. I sometimes find myself in denial, I tell myself she isn't gone, she's just on vacation somewhere and doesn't want to come home... I guess that isn't far from the reality of it...Maybe Heaven is a vacation?!!!
With all of that said, Today I am going to celebrate the life of my mom by having my family over for a delicious pot roast, much like the ones my mom used to make! I am going to keep the memory of my mother alive and I am going to share the precious moments that her and I shared together, with my own children. I want them to know their grandmother, and what she meant to so many people and what she meant to me. I know she is here in spirit!
So the moral of the story, don't take for granted what you have today, because you may not have it tomorrow! And lastly, Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened! I may have only had a short time with my mom, but she made a lasting impression.
Happy Birthday Mom....May you rest in peace eternally!
Love your baby girl
Brittani aka "The Rip"
